One of my biggest struggles right now as a fifty-something is, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” A question I’ve been asking most of my life. But now that I’m over 50, there’s a new urgency. Most of my life is probably over. How do I make the remaining years worthwhile? How do we go about finding our purpose as women over 50?
When I was young, it was clear — I was going to be a writer. But in high school and college, I discovered a knack for sales, so I became a marketer. After doing that for a few years, I stumbled into graphic design, which backed me into employee communications. Once I left that job, I built a consulting business. While I was killing it there, I started making artsy consumer goods. That stuff sold like hotcakes, so I shut everything else down and focused on those products for many years. I closed that shop just after Covid.
Now I don’t know what to do with myself.
For the last year, I’ve been playing stupid phone games and fucking around on social media. Which has been just great for my spirit. Not! (Lingo throwback for GenX readers.) I’ve also been writing a lot, but I haven’t done anything with any of it. It’s like I’m wandering around a forest and all the trees look alike so I can’t escape. When I put the stupid games down, I search online for “finding our purpose as women over 50”. Many women want to lose weight (so do I), struggle with becoming empty nesters, and wonder what’s next.
When I play the “If you have unlimited money, what do you do?” game, the answer is simple. I write, travel, and make art when at home. I’m in the fortunate position of being married to a man who (usually) enjoys his work and makes a good living. While I don’t have to work, I want to be productive. What does the world need form me?
What’s your favorite flavor of shit sandwich and does it come with an olive? Here’s the sticky little truth about life that they don’t tell you at high school pep rallies: Everything sucks, some of the time. So, the question becomes: what struggle or sacrifice are you willing to tolerate? Ultimately, what determines our ability to stick with something we care about is our ability to handle the rough patches and ride out the inevitable rotten days.
MARK MANSON
Here are few questions I’ve been asking myself to find my purpose as a woman over 50. Hopefully, they’ll help someone somewhere. Including me.
1. What am I better at than most people?
This concept was drilled into me as a young adult by my dad. It’s not enough to be good at something. I’m good at a lot of things and great at almost nothing. But if I’m better than most people at something, I can turn that into my next entrepreneurial adventure.
2. What does the world need that only I can offer?
What is missing in the world that I am uniquely qualified to offer? What is nobody talking about that a lot of people think about? What can people learn from my life experience (and nobody else’s)? What weird ideas do I have about the world?
This philosophy was the foundation of the micro business I started and ran for fourteen years. I’m exploring the idea anew. I know I have some ideas people find helpful on social media. I know I can write, design, and be funny. How do I turn this odd combination of skills into something the world wants as a woman over 50? Does the world even want anything from us?
3. How can I be less comfortable?
I keep a list of fears. Things I find interesting, but that I avoid. It includes things like trying the scariest hole-in-the-wall restaurants, volunteering with a certain organization, and solo travel overseas. As it relates to my purpose, I think about being a human guinea pig” and reporting my experiences. Whatever I decide, I know it’s important to leave my comfort zone if I want to evolve.
4. What makes me forget to eat?
Y’all, I rarely forget to eat. That’s my top tier problem in life right now. But I do forget to eat when I participate in certain activities that are fulfilling and engrossing. What are they? Usually I’m creating or building something or exploring something new. And almost never when I’m watching sitcom reruns.
5. What kind of pain am I willing to tolerate?
This idea comes from Mark Manson (see quote above). Everything we do includes some suffering. So I need to be aware of what kind of torture I’m willing to tolerate to achieve everything I ever hoped for. For me, that doesn’t include doing tedious work or going to an office every day. But apparently it does include working with customers or clients (not always a party) and paying state sales tax (a horrible disaster where I live).
6. What enrages, terrifies and/or upsets me?
Anything that makes me scream at the television or want to “educate” strangers about qualifies. Because if I’m riled up about it, I can be motivated to do something about it. If I’m tempted to talk back to strangers about it online, I can be part of the solution instead of whining about the problem.
7. Who do I admire most? Why?
The people I admire are game-changers in some way. They leapt at opportunity and relentlessly pursued their goals. This is the kind of person I want to be. This is such an important question because envy often points us in the direction of what we want. When am I jealous or envious? When I see clever, creative women womaning, breaking the rules, and giving the world something it hasn’t seen before.
8. How can you combine 2-3 of these concepts to create something new?
How can I combine my answers to these other six questions to do something fresh that hasn’t been done before? Can it be monetized? Would anyone care? Can I build a business or revenue stream around it?
9. How do I want to be remembered?
A tough question to ponder, but what kind of legacy do I want to leave after I’m gone? If anyone remembers me, what do I want them to remember me for? Is it enough to be “that funny weirdo” or do I want to offer something more? Though I don’t have children and don’t expect anyone to remember me at all, is there anything I can do to change that? Do I even care?
This question may be the essence of finding our purpose as women over 50. What do I want to leave behind?
I hope my cluelessness helps someone find their way. I sure as hell haven’t been able to turn my most recent answers to these questions into a profitable enterprise.
But at least I realized that I don’t need to waste the few healthy years I have left observing online strangers and playing brainless match three games. If I live long enough, there will be plenty of time for that nonsense when I’m old. If I don’t, at least I didn’t waste my good years.